Just in case you are wondering or considering, MOVING FOR A GUY IS A BIG DEAL!!! So i met this guy, recently , very nice grown young man but lives in another city about 2 hours away and we had a “situation-ship” going on, i didn’t have a problem with the distance but apparently he did so we were having a conversation about life and moving forward and he said “if this is going to happen, you do know you have to move right?”. I was lost but apparently he expects me to quit my job, leave my family, my home and my friends and just come move in with him and its not even a relationship yet, i dont know you so well, we are just in the process of getting to know and understand each other and you expect me to give it all up for you? By the way why does the lady always have to move, why cant the man move, i am as invested in my home as he is so why do i have to give it all up.
Am not a relationship expert and am not judging but i dont think it is the smartest situation to put your whole life on hold for a man or for love, its unfair to you to give up your independence and happiness for someone. Packing up your whole life for a man isn’t something you decide based on just butterflies in your stomach or because you think you have found the one. You really have to think this through.
I have seen so many people give up so much for love and relationships and to be with someone but when it doesn’t work out, their whole world comes crashing down and they dont know where to start from.
01. Where is this relationship going?
It sounds obvious, but I’ll say it anyway; the first conversation you should have with your boyfriend when considering moving should be, “Where is this relationship going?” Are you two just having fun right now, or are you open to going deeper toward engagement and marriage? If you are already thinking engagement and are both excited that a ring could be on your finger—or not!—it’s helpful to discuss a general timeline before the move. You should also know each other’s personal visions for the future—“I want to travel more” or “Make partner at the firm” versus “I’m ready to settle down” or “Let’s have it all!” If you don’t know each other’s answers to these questions, I recommend that you have an honest discussion about them.
It might be hard to talk about wants and scary to consider that there may not be a serious intention (yet) or even devastating to discover that your future goals are incompatible. Seeing the bigger picture before overhauling your life would give you the confidence to rent the U-Haul.
02. Is this move a short-term solution to a bigger problem?
Being closer to your partner can solve a number of problems: your transportation bills would shrink, your actual face time would increase, and you would cut down on cell phone bills significantly.
Consider whether or not your move would cover up larger problems that are not really about distance but character. For example, moving may resolve the annoying fight over whose turn it is to travel to the other or about next Saturday’s availability. But when it gets down to it, the core of those discussions is not really about your car mileage; it’s about your ability to deal with conflict and one another’s capacity for service to the other. If a key ingredient like that is missing now, how will you resolve it once you’ve moved? Or maybe you have difficulty trusting your beloved while far away. When you’re closer, will your trust issues evaporate? Probably not.
Either your beloved is giving you reason to be suspicious, or the mistrust comes from within yourself, which will take a lot more than a move to overcome. Working through issues rather than finding a short-term fix is a better indicator of the strength of your relationship. Talk with him to see if this move would heighten your joy or just temporarily patch a bigger problem.
03. Are we both willing to make the move?
I believe that if you love each other and are in a healthy relationship, either man or woman should be open to moving. if I discussed living in the same city, I would want to know that my guy is also willing to move for me and was open to considering things such as career, family circumstances, or in what location we would both thrive more. All of the above are good factors to consider, and it might be a warning sign if your boyfriend doesn’t want to consider the same for you. A move should be about the two of you together, as a team, both open to the possibility of how you can accomplish that.
04. What if we break up?
A move is not a marriage or public commitment. Nothing is set in stone until you have two rings on your finger, and I’d argue that even the stone itself is not hard proof. I know that you and your man love each other and are never going to break up, but I humbly recommend that you consider the possibility. You don’t have to have a twenty-point plan B or even necessarily take into account the many possible scenarios that could break you and your beloved apart. But do be honest with yourself and what you have to see you through should the move or relationship not work out. Faith, a nearby support network, and practicalities such as a great new job could help sustain you if your relationship could not.
05. Create a back-up plan.
Sh*t happens. Relationships combust. Jobs are lost. Feelings change. People get sick. While you can’t possibly anticipate every issue that might arise after you move, you should have some idea what your back-up plan would be if your new life in your new city isn’t working out. Sometimes it makes more sense to pack little of your stuff and leave the rest of your belongings in storage . That way, if things didn’t work out between you guys , you could move back home without paying to ship your things twice. Wait you are 100% sure before you send for your belongings. Make sure you have your finances in other
07. Decide whether you love this person enough to sacrifice the life you have now.
It might help you to write a pros and cons list for both your partner and the life you have without him. Sure, leaving a life you may love for a person you love more will be bittersweet, but the key is you have to love your partner MORE than the life you have without him or her. If you don’t, it simply won’t work out. But if you do, the decision to move could be one of the best decisions of your life. It was for me.