So on Sunday I was getting ready to go out and I kept changing and looking for the right outfit, trying to look good and for some reason I felt like I was a mess and I was trying to hard, I felt awful and desperate and a loser with a big “L” I don’t know where it came from but I just felt like such a disappointment and tears started rolling down my cheeks and I cried so hard I lost my breath, I basically, ripped off my clothes and crawled into my bathtub and cried for hours non-stop, I curled up and I had a millions feelings run through my mind. I tried to reach my two girlfriends and I couldn’t reach them and that just made me feel more dejected and I cried some more until I fell asleep in the tub. I woke up with the worst pain, my face was swollen, my mascara was everywhere and I looked at myself and said “ you are such a mess”.
I like many people bottle up so many emotions and things and we act like we are fine and strong, we smile and we paint this image of perfection for everyone to see and one day we just explode and we break. I was so mad at myself for crying and I felt “weak”, how dare you “Cry”. You are supposed to be strong and not wear your emotions on your sleeve I told myself. But the truth is life sucks sometimes in fact majority of the time but you have to deal with it and you can’t always be strong but that’s okay, It’s okay to be scared, it’s okay not to have everything figured out, it’s okay to be broken, it’s okay to be alone and it’s okay to cry.
My tears don’t make me weak but when u bottle so many things in every time, when you always expect something or what more out of life but nothing seems to be working, it takes the smallest thing to trigger your tears. It’s difficult being you because nobody understands who you are. Sometimes it’s almost feels like life just decides to toy with my emotions and “he/she find it’s funny” and am like “ahaha you got me again, funny” and after is cry session I fell sick and I was like REALLY?? Lol
I don’t have it all together but seriously who does?? So stop beating yourself up about being a mess. IT’S OKAY TO BE A MESS, ITS NOT OKAY TO REMAIN A MESS.
10 WAYS TO SHAKE OFF THAT MESSY FEELING.
1.CRY IT OUT
This is a weird advice but sometimes you have to let yourself cry, because it’s okay especially guys, crying doesn’t make you less of a man. It’s okay to have emotion and it’s okay to feel something. It doesn’t necessarily have to be in front of someone, it can be behind closed doors, but don’t keep it bottled up. If you’re stressed, cry it out and get back to work. If you’re sad, cry it out and look for something that’ll distract you from whatever is making you sad. If you’re angry, cry it out and move on.
Crying can act as a release of any negative emotion that you’re feeling and can be a way to restart and help you get back on track.Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re anything less than normal for crying or that you aren’t the person you are for showing emotion.
2.YOU NEED TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Have you ever asked yourself, who am I?, what do I like, what do I want to be, is this where I really want to be? Suddenly, you may realize that you’ve let others define your life and have conformed to the status quo because it was encouraged. You forgot to speak up for yourself and now, nobody else is speaking up for you. You need to find yourself and stop looking for acceptability from just any random person that comes your way.
3.STOP DREAMING AND START DOING
80% of your time is spent wishing for something to happen, while 15% of your time is spent dreaming about what your life will be like when you achieve what you’re wishing for. That leaves about 5% of your time to actually be working towards your dream, but you’d rather watch reality TV.
4.STOP LIVING IN THE PAST
It’s all about what you’ve done and how bad a person treated you, how you can’t trust again, how hurt and heart broken you are. Reflecting on the past would make you judge the present and the future even before it happens and that would only make you feel unworthy of anything good, you think you are protecting yourself but truly you are denying yourself happiness. You need to let go, it’s hard but it’s one thing to learn from the past and another to live in it.
5.TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT
Honestly, I didn’t feel better until I talked about what was wrong. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. When we are feeling so broken inside, we want to hide away from the world. Sometimes it is because we feel embarrassed or we believe that people won’t understand what we are going through. But talking really helps and knowing you are not in this alone goes a long way.
6.DON’T ISOLATE YOURSELF
Anyone who really knows me would know I am amazing at isolating myself. I basically just curl up and stay on a corner. Isolations has a way of filling your heart with a lot of negative thought and suddenly you hear voices in your head and you start believing those voices. You need to be around positive people and alway have something doing. Positivity is contagious and if you don’t have friends then watch positive programs. I started watching a lot of Christian programs and honestly when I was done crying, I felt like I heard T.D jakes voice in my head reminding me about how much God loves me. Fill yourself with positivity.
I honestly can’t emphasize this enough. You have to love yourself and your flaws and your mess. It’s not like you can run away a from yourself so the earlier you start to embrace who you are the better.
You are not a mistake and everything about you is perfection. Say positive things to yourself, treat yourself right, take yourself out. If you don’t love yourself how do you expect anyone to love you?. Don’t beat yourself up, don’t be rude to yourself. Treat yourself the way you want those people to treat you. You are amazing and beautiful and you need to constantly remind yourself that.
I always fall victim to this and this is my greatest weakness of all time. I expect way to much from people and when they disappoint me, It hurts so bad. Sometimes I know that they would disappoint me but that doesn’t make it hurt less when they do. People would change, your friends would become complete strangers, people would make promises would fail, say one thing and do another. That’s life, it sucks. STOP EXPECTING THINGS FROM PEOPLE. Constant disappointment has a way of breaking your spirit and start asking “ is it me”. Humans would always act like humans.
9.Failures are really just lessons that need to be learned.
“– No day is ever wasted when you live it with purpose and presence. Value and enjoy the journey, even when there are detours along the way.
10.Everything is coming together… maybe not immediately, but gradually.
When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Pain is part of growing. Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.
These are a few steps but the list goes on and on but you need to start small and grow. Let go of hate, jealousy, anger and everything that is drawing you back. Start loving like you have never being hurt. One of my biggest secrets is God and I know so many people don’t believe in that “guy up stairs” but there is a God and when I pray or read my Bible and sing to Him, I have so much peace from within.
Always remember you are enough and you are loved. Don’t let situations and circumstances rob you of your joy and happiness. It’s easy to say I know but it’s possible to be genuinely happy and I am going on that journey.