Relationships can be very tricky, I have been in a situation where I have been seeing a certain guy for months and I wasn’t sure if we were friends, courting or even if we were exclusive. I was confused for the most part and I had issues drawing the boundaries for our relationship (whatever it was) because I didn’t even know what it was. I really hate being in the grey area. Unfortunately been a woman, trying to define a relationship can be really hard because the guy might get a vibe that you are desperate and then he freaks out which I find it so strange how the man possess the power to define what the relationship is. It’s almost like the woman has to wait for the guy to be ready to define the relationship and if he isn’t ready, the relationship remains stagnant.
A relationship is a beautiful thing, having a partner or a companion is great but things can get out of hand really fast especially when you don’t know what you are doing, it starts to slowly become a guessing game and a lot of things in our lives goes on hold until you figure out what’s happening with your relationship. You aren’t sure if you should commit yourself, time and emotions, you don’t know if you can see other people, you don’t know how to introduce them to friends and family and everything is just frustrating and you keep asking ” What am I doing?”.
I am at a stage in my life where I am dating intentionally, I am not desperate to be in a relationship or find a man but at the same time, I genuinely don’t want to waste my time with anyone I don’t see a future with. A relationship is a lot, you invest a lot in the person and you don’t want to invest all that in the wrong person. Don’t get me wrong, you can date for fun, go for drinks, watch a movie and have at the back for your mind that you are friends, that way you are not giving too much of yourself and your heart, so even if it ends, you are not hurt.
The rules of dating has changed but our desire for companionship hasn’t changed one bit. Some people believe that when you meet someone, you just know if you want to get to know that person almost immediately. There is just this instant connection and you just click and for some other people it takes a while, they have to get to know that person really well before they start developing any type of emotions which is fine. People are different, for some people it can be a quick conversation and in some cases it can be a long walk.
STEPS TO DEFINING A RELATIONSHIP
1. SEE HOW YOU FEEL AROUND THEM
I believe every relationship should start with some sort of friendship and a friend should be someone you are excited to talk to and someone you are so comfortable with and you can tell each other anything. Everything is just easy, you light up when you see them and talk to them and you start developing a deeper connection and feelings. In spending so much time with them you are beginning to see behaviours or characteristics you like about this person.
2. YOU REALISE YOU DON’T LIKE BEEN WITHOUT THEM
You start getting more attached, then can’t stop thinking about them, you just want to spend every second of every day with them. That’s how you know when the feeling really hits you, you start thinking about them in a more defined way and the idea of not being with them, bums you a little more than you expected
3. YOU START WONDERING HOW TO TALK ABOUT IT
You start freaking out a little bit because you have all these butterflies in your belly and you are wondering if the feeling is mutual, how do you talk about it without been too forward or without chasing them away. Having this conversation can either bring you together or push you apart.
4. YOU FINALLY TALK ABOUT IT
Communication is key in any relationship, nobody is a mind reader and without talking about what’s going on in your head or your heart, there is no way the other person would know so it’s important to talk about it. At the end of the day, things can either go really good or bad, but either ways, you are going to feel lighter and much better after you talk about it. Who knows! Both of you might find a way of figuring things out without anyone getting hurt.
5. THEY DON’T FEEL THE SAME WAY, IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON
I actually consider it a blessing when I get to know people’s intention sooner rather than later, at this point you have feelings but you can still catch yourself before you fall completely, you haven’t put too much of yourself into it so even though it hurts right now, you would heal fast and get yourself together before you know it.
6. BUT IF THEY DO, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP OR SOMETHING
So it turns out you both feel the same way about each other and you two want to be exclusive, that is amazing, now you get to do all the fun stuff and go through the honeymoon phrase and the best part you get to even know more about the amazing person you already like. You get to share a part of your life with this person and you just grow with them. You set goals, dreams and you push each other to be your best selves and the best part is you know exactly who you are with this person without questioning your place in their life. And whether or not you end up together, you would come out being a better version of yourself, you learn more about yourself and what you really want and you would have so many beautiful memories so show for it.
AT the end of the day, you have to make sure you know the person really well so you don’t make any mistakes, talk about it, be clear about exactly what you want and don’t compromise. Never belittle what want you, if it doesn’t work out, someone else would come along, someone that wants exactly what you want, and the rest would be magic.