love and relationships,  Relationships,  Self love,  Sex and love,  Uncategorized

OPEN RELATIONSHIPS: I WON’T SUGARCOAT IT, IT’S DUMB.

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I once met a married man who was in an open marriage. He had a beautiful wife and children and the first time he told me that he could see anyone as well as his wife, I cringed. It honestly made Zero sense to me but somehow they managed to be happy and in love. But putting myself in that position where my partner would say “ I would like us to see other people but still be together”, I would feel deeply hurt and betrayed. My idea of love is two people deeply committed to each other, just me and you but the minute you start wanting someone else that isn’t me, it would only make me feel like “I AM NOT ENOUGH” for you.

One of the major problems I have with the concept of an open relationship is the “unfair nature” of the whole concept. In most places, most especially in the African community, when a man sleeps around he is a “bad boy” living the ultimate baby boy life. No judgment there at all, some people even give him Kudos for being such a player. But in the case of a woman, it is completely different and she is regarded as a “hoe” or a “prostitute” who has no shame. Nobody is counting a guy’s “Body Count” but when a girl has more than 4, people start raising their eyes. This is honestly just one cheap way for your partner to sleep with other people without you accusing them of cheating. Apart from that, how do you explain your love for me if you are so comfortable, sharing me with anyone and everyone?

If I am with you, I want all of you and I don’t want to share you, I don’t want any other person holding, kissing you, making you smile or touching you. I simply don’t want to share my love. If you don’t want what I have to offer, you can go but you can’t have your cake and eat it.

Open relationships in my opinion are toxic, if you want to be single, be single but the minute you decide to be with someone, then be exclusively with them. Apart from this, I am one of those people that actually think sex is more than two people banging each other till one or both of you get an orgasm. It’s way more than that, it’s allowing someone see you in your most pure, most fragile , most intimate, most vulnerable form ever, it’s baring your heart and soul to someone( in my opinion). How many people do you really want to share that kind of experience with?

I think open relationships are toxic and hurtful and this is why

1. YOUR FEELINGS ALWAYS COME SECOND

A real relationship is filled with feelings. If you have to keep your love, jealousy and resentment under wraps — which is what you’ll do to make an open relationship work — you’re giving up the chance for a real relationship to happen.

2. ZERO COMMITMENT

You’re fooling yourself if you think you and your partner are committed to each other or that you’re each other’s main dish. If you really were, you wouldn’t feel the need for a side-order of fries or salad. Relationships are a sit-down dinner for two, not a buffet at a party filled with hungry people. If your relationship isn’t exclusive, you’re not in a relationship.

3. YOUR “BABY” IS SOMEONE ELSE’S “BABY”

Even if you and your partner have rules for your open relationship, which might include not getting serious about another person, you can never be guaranteed that they won’t catch feelings for someone else. Your partner might have a new Number One and even if they don’t, there’s no way that you’re their Number One if they are out there having sex with other people. Sorry, the minute they sleep with someone else, they are public property and your claim on them is over.

4. YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS A CONSTANT CIRCLE OF CHEATING WITH A FANCY TAG

Just because you and your partner have said it’s cool to date other people, how can it be? After they have gone out on a date or had sex with someone else, they’ll rock up to see you smelling of another person’s perfume and there’s no way that you won’t feel something’s whack about this. If you don’t feel it’s whack and you’re genuinely cool with it, then you have to ask yourself why you’re with your partner if you don’t really feel for him.

5. A LITTLE JEALOUSY IS GOOD FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP

I’m not asking you to be a crazy insecure stalker but come on, a real partner who really loves you will want you all to their self if they are keen on a real relationship. There’s no way they would be cool with you sleeping around, even if they knew about the other people you were with. If there’s no jealousy, there’s not a whole lot of love and not much to lose.

6. YOU’RE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. YOU’RE AT A SINGLES BAR TOGETHER.

You might think your relationship is real but here are the facts: you’re both going out there to explore the singles scene, then telling each other about it in the same way friends would. At the end of the night, you’re like each other’s designated drivers – after you’ve had a wild time with other people. Sure, it feels safe to have that person there to come home to, but that’s not enough on which to base a relationship. If you want to explore the single world, then at least have the balls to fly solo.

7. IF YOUR NEEDS AREN’T MET BY YOUR PARTNER SO WHY ARE YOU WITH THEM?

A reason for agreeing to have an open relationship with your partner could be that you feel you have needs that can’t be met in your relationship. But then why not find a man who fulfils you in every way, instead of needing more than one man?

8. IT’S ACTUALLY AN EXCUSE TO CHEAT

Open relationships often sound like a fancy title for people to want to get their rocks off with others without having to lose out on the safety of a relationship or pissing off their partners. How is that normal or healthy? Sooner or later it’s going to feel like betrayal.

9.IF YOU AREN’T WILLING TO WORK FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP THEN IT’S NOT REAL

A relationship takes hard work, if you want to explore options that are out there, it hints that something’s not working in your relationship. If the relationship really meant something to you, you’d want to fix it. And no, sleeping around isn’t a remedy for relationship problems – and it won’t bring back the spark. Sadly, if it does work for you and your partner, then maybe there wasn’t much of a relationship there in the first place. In a healthy relationship in which both partners are committed to each other, opening the front door for other people to enter is a sure way to send the relationship out the back door — fast.

Think about it, is this what you really want?

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