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LETS TALK ABOUT CELIBACY

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Hey guys……….so this post is about what every guy doesn’t want to read about because for some reason it annoys them. So celibacy is basically deciding to abstain from sex for personal reasons. I actually decided to be celibate months back and I have to say am really proud of myself and I have stuck with my decision but it is really really difficult. When I decided to be celibate I was in a relationship with this guy whom I was really really into but I started to feel that he was with me because of the sex. Like it was always about that and it really bothered me. Guys lately act like having sex is a Major requirement for a relationship and I beg to disagree, if sex is the foundation of your relationship then it’s never going to work. sorry but there is just more to life than being with someone so you can use them, then again it wasn’t as if I was big on sex at that time, I rarely enjoyed it so I was like whatever and just not going to keep dealing with this because that not what life or love is all about and since then I have been pretty much single because apparently no guy wants to be with a girl who won’t SERVICE him regularly, so the minute I tell a guy HEY, AM NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOU, BECAUSE AM CELIBATE he stops calling you, in fact you stop existing to them and I feel it is wrong to treat women like an object just for statisfaction. It’s not fair, but i have a feeling that I would be alone for a crazy long time , but it’s okay because I feel like I knew what I was getting into so am ready for whatever life throws at me. By the way, I actually noticed a guy would rather be with a virgin and a girl who claims to be celibate… Isn’t that weird, Guys if you are reading I need someone to explain this, so hit me up.
But basically I want to discuss what a girl stands to lose when you decide to go celibate when you are in a relationship.
Am not asking anyone to join my band wagon, you can have sex all you want infact I would be talking a lot about having fun and enjoying your sexual lives because mine wasn’t all that but I had a few good experiences so I want to help people, still am going to be super honest and just tell my experience and give advice and all that. That’s what this blog is all about so don’t freak out, I don’t care and I don’t judge. I also want to say if you partner just wants you for the sex, be it a guy or a lady please leave that relationship it’s not good for you trust me. Anyways back to business.

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CONS
To become celibate or maintain one’s celibacy requires a lot of focus, determination, and strength. However, this is not heralded in today’s dating world thus making it hard for celibate girls to thrive. So when one does start to get to know someone and tells them they are abstaining from sex, a few things usually happen:

You have major relationship problems
If you’re in a relationship with someone and you’ve previously had a normal private life, taking it out of the equation is going to dramatically change the way the two of you connect. If your partner isn’t celibate, they may have a hard time adapting to your new way of life. Even if your relationship didn’t revolve around it, it’s normal for it to be a part of a healthy relationship. Therefore, you and your partner may have a difficult time finding new ways to connect and show each other love and affection. Every relationship goes through something, it’s getting through it that becomes difficult. Choosing to become celibate is not the only reason why you’ll face difficulties as a couple, so the two of you have to work together to make sure you get through it. And if for some reason it doesn’t work out, think of it as an experience and take away what you’ve learned from it.

He takes this as a challenge.
If it’s a new relationship; Your sexual restraint becomes a feat he wants to conquer. Your reasoning for celibacy—whether it be spiritual, personal, or mental—is a result of a bad relationship from the past. Well, he’s someone new. He can make a negative experience a good one so there’s no need for you to remain sexless, right?

He will tempt you.
Though you’ve explained that you haven’t had sex in fifty-‘leven days, he doesn’t care. You were just celibate until you got with that right one, whether he’s really it or not. So, movie nights might include delectable kisses. Delectable kisses might turn into heavy petting. And heavy petting, well, you get it. He’s not going to stop you as long as you keep going.

He might take his aggression out at you.
Blue balls is a BASIC BITCH! Not to imply that he’s going to resort to domestic violence, but he might find passive aggressive ways to pick at you. He might insinuate that you’re not doing “your job” because he’s not getting sexually satisfied through you. He’s upset that he’s spending time with you and shelling out money to take you out to not “get anything” in return. So don’t be surprised if his pettiness rears its head.

He looks for a “compromise.”
So you’re not going to give up the goods, well, okay. There are ways around that, right? He might be okay with other methods of relief if you’re game. You’d have to stand firm in the details of your celibacy, however.

He dips.
Your dedication to your celibacy is too much for ya boy. It requires him to be celibate as well (if you two were seeking an exclusive arrangement) and that is not what he signed up for. He may be upfront about it or he might just stop communicating. Don’t take it personal, though.
Men aren’t really heart-eye emoji over girls that are celibate. You know this. But there are some that do. If you’ve found that guy, hold on to him (if he’s worth it.) Don’t let a bunch of foolish guys distract you from your personal journey.

You will miss out of certain thing
We all fantasize (or at least most of us) about different experiences. And because of certain experiences we’ve had, we’ve learned a lot about ourselves, other people, what we like, and what we don’t like. On top of that, it can be extremely rewarding and pleasurable. Therefore, if you stop having it, you’re going to either miss having it or “miss out” on certain experiences that might’ve happened if you decided to spend the night with someone. In the larger scheme of things, you may “miss out” on having children or even getting married. You have to think of this as another experience in your life and you can’t keep thinking about the what ifs. It is easy to go about life wondering what would have happened if the outcome was different, but what matters the most is your happiness. If this decision is something that makes you happy, then all that other stuff shouldn’t matter.

Loneliness
You might end up being single for a while because few guys would be interested in you not because you are not beautiful and all but celibacy is a constant Turn off for guys, so you just have to brace yourself and love yourself.

PROS
You know your real friends and even your partner better
Just as you may see your partner in a new light, you may also find that the people you thought were your friends aren’t as supportive as you previously believed. Why? Because when you become celibate, your lifestyle changes. You may be less interested in going out or hooking up with guys at clubs because of your newfound self-confidence or self-awareness. And while you’re still the same person underneath it all, your priorities might change. Therefore, your friends (who still want to go out and have one night stands), might see you as unrelatable or “not as fun,” as you once were. Just like a partner, your friends are supposed to be there for you no matter what path or life changing decisions you make. Just because you may no longer be interested in the same type of lifestyle that they are leading, doesn’t mean that there are other parts of your friendship that you don’t have in common. Your friends should understand that after all, you are still you and that nothing should change!

True love
If you decide to abstain from intimate relations but continue being emotionally involved with someone, there’s no doubt that your relationship is going to change- especially if you were previously intimately involved with this said person. Why? Because when you take it out of a relationship, the relationship becomes strictly emotional which could really challenge the bond between the two of you. If you and your partner are both celibate, you’ll be able to know each other on a real and intimate level- in a way that goes deeper and lasts longer than what you may feel during the deed. And even if you choose to take this vow on your own, your partner should be able to support you. By showing you just how invested he is in the relationship brings you two closer together strengthening the bond you have built and continue to build.

You gain empowerment
It’s easy for women to feel taken advantage of or perhaps that guys only want to be with them for one thing. Therefore, if you become celibate, you don’t ever have to worry about that happening. It’s sad to say that we have to deal with the fact that there are men out there who can’t see past this and get to know us on an emotional level. These are the men you don’t want in your life and you’re better off finding this out sooner rather than later. You take complete control of your life and your body. If you end up becoming emotionally involved with someone, you know they aren’t using you for other things because you’re not having it. With this, you get to know each other on a deeper level and begin to form a bond stronger than any physical relationship can have. Being celibate is a decision that you alone can make and that in itself is extremely empowering.
Other advantages are:
:)No chance of unwanted pregnancy.
:)No need to get an abortion.
:)No need to take birth control (or spend money on it).
:)No need to spend money on condoms or worry about them in any way.
:)No chance of contracting an STD or an STI.
:)No need to go through the potential physical trouble and expense of treating an STD or an STI.
:)No chance of having unsatisfying sex.
:)No chance of having sex that negatively affects your self-esteem, your body image, or your sense of being worthy of love.
:)Virtually no need to worry about sexual partners, ex sexual partners, or anybody else talking smack about you for your sexual behavior. (Note: nobody has a right to talk smack about a person’s sexual behavior unless that behavior directly harms someone else, but the fact of the matter is, people are assholes about sex all the time. Celibacy as a way to avoid being insulted or gossiped about doesn’t excuse the insulting/gossiping, but the wrongness of the insulting/gossiping doesn’t make celibacy any less of an effective way to avoid it.)
:)No opportunity to mistakenly base your own self-worth, self-love, or self-image on your sexual performance or anybody else’s sexual interest in you.
:)No chance of being used sexually by someone else.
:)Celibacy can provide extra energy or a clear mind to focus on creativity, on self, on friendships and family relationships, on one’s own physical health and mental health, etc.
:)Celibacy removes you from the volatile and dramatic landscape of sexual activity: sexual competition, sexual infidelity, unrequited sexual desire, sexual incompatibility with partners,
:)No opportunity to mistakenly base your own self-worth, self-love, or self-image on your sexual performance or anybody else’s sexual interest in you.
So if you are celibate or you want to be celibate it’s not as bad as it look trust me.

3 Comments

    • wunms

      But honestly, you’re right the journey isn’t easy… but I have to say it’s been really rewarding so far.

      Ultimately I think abstaining from sex (especially when you’re in a committed relationship) is really useful because it gives you sound mind! You can think more clearly without lustful thoughts or body chemistry clouding your judgment. You’re literally forced to find other non sexual ways to be intimate and love that other person and in turn, this can help you better understand them and generally solidify your bond even further.

      There’s also something so beautiful about non-physical intimacy with the person you can see yourself marrying 🙂

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